venom and vitriol (p0is0n_m0uth) wrote in lithiumxbarbie,
venom and vitriol

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An Introductory Post...

Name: Mary
Age: 22
Diagnosis: Bipolar I with Psychotic Tendencies; last episode depressive along with Anorexia Nervosa; restricting type
Currently seeing anyone (therapists,shrinks etc): Not currently, due to financial concerns...mental health coverage isn't what it should be, heh...
Hospitalizations(if any): I've been hospitalized twice, however, I don't wish to disclose details on that currently...
Possible times you should have been hospitalized: More than I can count and/or care to remember...
Your opinion on your diagnosis, do you feel it's correct? I was actually misdiagnosed when I was very young with schizophrenia. Of course, I felt that was absolutely just didn't fit, y'know? I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa in my early teens (possibly's hard to remember...) and I've come to terms with that one, I suppose. I denied it furiously, but after doing some research, I realized (kind of sort of) what was going on. Eventually I realize I will need to recover...but so many things in my life are going wrong right now (my mother has been diagnosed with liver disease and is not doing so well, along with the suicides of two ex-boyfriends) that it's gotten a bit out of control, I suppose. As for the bipolar, one wants to be diagnosed with that. I was first properly diagnosed (my school teachers had suggested to my parents that I might have it when I was in high school) in 2001 and denied it until I did more research. Upon doing said research, I realize that it makes perfect sense...I don't know, my whole childhood makes sense now, I guess. It's both a relief and a terrible pain, if that makes any sense. Like 'oh, so that's why...' but 'crap, i'd rather have cancer; THAT would kill me eventually...' at the same time. Anywho...I guess long story short: I don't like the diagnosis, but I can't exactly argue with it.
Are you currently on medication? If so which one/s? Do you feel its working? I'm not currently on medications due to financial concerns, but I have been on many. I feel the most effective combination (for me, you realize...this is my personal experience and might not be appropriate at all for another person) is Lithium and Prozac...I mean, I still had my good days and my bad days, but I felt a little more "normal" on that combo...I think that perhaps pairing those up with an anti-epileptic might really do well (as epilepsy runs in my family along with various and sundry other mental disorders), but I don't have the money to try it right now.
What do you expect out of this community?: Mostly support. It's really getting very hard to keep myself in check, and I'm constantly afraid of slipping. I don't want to go under, and I most certainly don't want to be hospitalized again. Mostly, I want to be well so I can help my mother get better...since I can't afford meds, I'm doing everything short of that...exercise, vitamins, meditation...but I find just sharing with others can really help. Not only do I get to vent my pain, but I can also help comfort others in this type of setting...well, at least I hope to be able to. So many people have an irrational fear of mental disorders (especially bipolar, I've found), and even those really close to me just can't understand what I'm going through and tell me to "get over it". Imagine telling that to a cancer patient or someone with diabetes!!! So yeah...I really do want to feel well and I really do want to get better, regardless of what everyone seems to think...I hope this community can help, if only a little ^_^.

Anywho...that's me in a nutshell. I'm looking forward to participating in this community and am very pleased to meet everyone...
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